Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Theory of Love…..According to 13.

What does it feel like to be in love because somewhere along the way I forgot how it felt? Maybe it’s because love hasn’t loved me or had failed to be what I thought it was supposed to be. Maybe movies like Love Jones, Brown Sugar and the Notebook sold me a dream that I simply couldn’t afford. Or maybe it just isn’t my time to love yet. At this point I would say all of the above and then some is true. A lot of people ask the question does true love even exist in the first place. Some people may even say that true love is simply a fairytale or that it just doesn’t exist at all, but I don’t believe that nor do I think it’s complicated as we make it. I truly think we as people complicate love, however you decide to view it one thing is for certain….true love is hard to find.

One of the first issues I have with love is that the word itself is misused. We may love to do things with a person, love something about a person, or just love doing certain things with one another like sex for instance, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to love. Love by definition is supposed to be unconditional, but we have put conditions on what love is and why we should love someone in the first place. It’s said that we should love one another as God loves us, but that is damn near impossible because even the people who love us or claim to love us hurt us the most sometimes and it’s hard to be unconditional when that happens even when we forgive them for something they have done wrong.

I said a few years ago that we choose who we love and I couldn’t have been more wrong. If it’s a choice at all it’s an involuntary choice, but regardless of that we should know the reasons we love someone and those reasons hopefully aren’t superficial. The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation. Love is an urgent and at times an inconvenient act. I don’t think love can be based just on time spent with a person because love can’t tell time, but I do feel that love can grow over time. I know people that have been together for short periods of time and know they love each other and I also know people that have been together for years and don’t appear or behave as if they love each other at all. I feel at the end of the day it’s about being consistent with the love we give, but it needs to be done in a fashion that isn’t a chore even though loving someone does take effort and work. It’s like doing something you love to do. You love it so much that it doesn’t feel like work and I think love should be treated in that same fashion.

The harsh truth is that finding true love is difficult and a lot of times the people that may treat us the best or show us the most concern may not be the people we’re interested in. Also unfortunately the people we may want the most may not be the best for us or some reason you just can’t get things to flow right. However you look view it, it’s a risk. I’ve grown to the point now that I don’t have an interest in passing time with anyone while hoping along the way some real feelings might surface. I just don’t want to deal with a woman just to keep the other side of my bed warm or just to keep me company. I’ve done that before and I’ve done it with no regrets, but I’m at the point and at the age now that I’ve found out that’s not good enough for me anymore.

Don’t get me wrong because we have to be willing to take a few risks with our heart and put our feelings on the line because love is not only involuntary, but unexpected act as well. We have to be tactful with that though meaning sometime stepping way outside of your box may not be a good idea. I think if you’re an adult you pretty much know what you like and what you don’t like. A lot of times we go into situations thinking we can change someone, but people seldom change for a person even know they may love them, they usually change because it’s a conscious choice they made for themselves.

The funny thing is regardless of our relationship status were going to complain about something. People in relationships complain about stuff, married people complain about stuff and single people complain about being single if there not happy being single. At some point single people will get tired of being single too!
I have days that I ask God who am I supposed to be with. Where is she? Who is she? Have I met here already and all of those crazy questions that you may even ask yourself sometimes if you’re single. I’m sure whenever it happens I won’t be getting a heads up from God about it! Whenever it happens I just want to be ready for it. I feel like I already love the person I’m supposed to be with not because I know her or may have been with her, but simply because of the expectation of her…..whoever she may be. The only question I would be dying to ask her when she comes into my life is….. “What took you so long?”

My theory is we have to have the patience for love to find us. It usually doesn’t happen when were looking for someone. It usually sneaks up on us like a thief in the night. I don’t think there’s a man or woman in this world that doesn’t want someone to steal their heart. All we want is for someone to value our heart and everything else that goes along with it. We want someone that is willing to love the good, the bad and the in between of us no matter what while most of all understanding when that person has showed up in our lives and we make the choice for them to be a part of our lives forever…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Faith and it's struggles

If you Google the word faith the response you may find might be as follows…..Faith is the confident belief or trust or trustworthiness of a person, concept, or a thing that is not based on proof. To read the definition the meaning seems pretty clear-cut, but in reality the words defining it hardly do the word justice or define it clearly. Despite all of that we depend on faith in some shape, form or fashion every single day whether we realize it or not.

I’m a Christian and I’ve been one since the day my mother had me. As I’ve grown older I’ve done my best to understand Christian faith. By no means am I an expert and I very seldom quote The Bible even though I read it a reasonable amount. I go to church, but not every Sunday. I only listen to inspirational music usually when I’m in church and sometimes at home when I need to hear words to lift my spirits. I have a clear understanding that people called to ministry are messengers and share the same flesh as myself. In other words they are not perfect and even on my best day that all my dreams, wishes and aspirations may come true neither am I.

May 21, 2011 is predicted to be a “Rapture” according to Christian radio host Harold Camping. A “rapture” meaning the taking into heaven of God’s people with the end of the world as we know it whether we love it or not will actually come to an end on October 21, 2011. Camping has even gone so far to say that the “rapture” will occur at 6 p.m. local time. It didn’t say which time zone in my research. The people supporting Camping’s claim estimates that about 200 million people will experience this act. Camping has gone even further to say that he found this prediction in The Bible. If all of this sounds farfetched to you then guess what, a lot of other people feel the same way you do including myself!

I’ve never claimed to be the best Christian in the world and despite popular opinion I don’t try to be perfect. As a matter of fact I don’t think perfection exists at all. Everything in this world is flawed in some way. Whether it’s inside, outside, or deep within everything in this world has imperfections. Let’s be honest people…..faith doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, but it’s essential to our lives as much as the air we breathe. We may understand the chemical elements of oxygen, but that doesn’t mean we understand exactly how it got here. We just know that is if you’re a believer in God that God created it. I think faith falls under that same category. We have faith in Him and His son Jesus Christ because of what we have read in The Bible, because of what we have heard in church or because someone we know has given a testimony of some sort telling the gospel of His greatness and if you’re a Christian chances are you believe it even if you have not to your knowledge experienced it yourself.

I’ll be honest with you all because I struggle with my faith. I think a lot of people do, but I’ll admit it. There have been times in my life that I just simply don’t understand why and trust me I know the saying, “Why not me?, but let’s just say that I don’t have an answer most times. I don’t understand why I lost my mother to cancer in 2007 and I don’t understand why 5 months into this year I have experienced some of the most unhappy times in my life. I have faith that it’s for a better purpose. I pray that the things that I’ve experienced in the last 4 years is preparing me for something much greater than I could ever imagine and trust me when tell you I have a pretty good imagination.

The cynical part of me asks the question daily, “Why am I here?” I wish I could tell you all exactly why I was born, what I’m here for, and most of all what am I suppose to leave the world when God does call me home and let me say again that I don’t think it’s later today.

We all have dreams, aspirations, and plans of some sort. Lord knows I just want mine to workout. Like many of you there are so many things that I haven’t done yet. I don’t say that to say that I haven’t done anything, but I say that to say I feel I’m far from done because there are so many things I want to do and accomplish still.

We live in a world that is unfair and doesn’t owe us anything, though we give it all we have not only to survive, but to succeed in it. That statement alone is why we hold on to our faith so tightly. Not only do we need to have faith in God, but faith in ourselves. We also have to be weary of the kind of faith we put in people, because in some way people will always let us down. I certainly won’t put my faith in some false profit who wants attention by saying the world is going to end on a certain date! All we can do sometimes is pray, even when it seems that God doesn’t hear us because we have faith that he will hear us and help us. So I say all of this to say despite what we have heard I’ll see you all tomorrow because I have faith that I will.

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Light at the end of the Tunnel

I liken the hard times we experience in life at times to a tunnel. An area filled with darkness and we have no idea where that tunnel is leading us to or when it’s going to end to when we see the light at the end of it. It’s long, it’s dark, and it maybe cold or even hot, but whatever the temperature is best believe it’s uncomfortable. Where this tunnel is located can’t be found on any GPS. Whether you have seen my statuses on my Facebook fan page, my personal page, or my Twitter account you have probably heard me express my distain for 2011 thus far. To say that things have started off slow for me so far this year is an understatement and as far as my own personal tunnel, well I have no idea how close I am to the end of it just yet, but let’s say I hope it’s over soon.

To be totally honest with all of you reading I’ve been pretty depressed for an abundance of reasons. Anything that you can think of that could go wrong this year pretty much has. I feel like I’m being punished for something, but I have no idea in the world what it is. Whatever it is I don’t feel it was so bad to run into the misfortune that I’ve had to endure so far this year. There have been times I’ve just screamed. I screamed so hard and so loud that I felt like I almost strained my vocal cords beyond repair. I screamed so hard last week that my throat was sore and it hurt to talk for about two days. When you go through something bad it makes you understand for anyone that believes in God just now little control we have over our lives.

As I’m going through my battles I’ve seen people I know pass away, some of my favorite celebrities die and one of my friends just recently loss his two year old daughter suddenly. Add in natural disasters like the earthquake in Japan that was a ridiculous 8.9 on the Richter scale that literally and figuratively shook that country along with Tsunami warnings that could lead right up to the door steps of the United States in Hawaii. That alone could make you wonder what is going on in the world and why things are happening the way they are.

If you’re anything like me your harder on yourself than anyone could ever be. It may come to a surprise to anyone reading this, but I give myself very little credit for anything I’ve managed to accomplish in my life and I give myself ALL of the blame for anything I’ve failed at. At best I’m a humble control freak if there is such a thing. Maybe some of you feel the same way I do or God help you even worst.
I’ll be honest with you all, when my mother died I felt like I didn’t deserve another sad day in my entire life because I had lost someone so near and dear to me. The pain and hurt I experienced during that time I felt was enough for a lifetime. So when life crossed this bridge and decided to make me go through this tunnel I was appalled and most of all angry. Some of you may have seen when I was about to shut down my fan page. I’ve been blogging for 4 years and I was ready to stop writing all together. I felt like I didn’t have anything inspiring to say because my heart and soul was at such a cynical place. All who commented on that status gave me the strength to reconsider and to just take a break.

As the saying goes, “Life isn’t fair”. I’ve seen so many good people already literally go through udder hell this year in some shape, form or fashion it makes you wonder and ask yourself, “Why I’m I even trying to be a good person? Especially, when life is literally giving you an ass whipping you know for certain you don’t deserve even on your worst day! Even when we try our absolute best sometimes life will tell us that even though you gave it your all it just wasn’t good enough.
When terrible things happen to us it tests our faith to levels we feel that are unheard of. Many people have told me we have to go through the bad times to appreciate the good. My rebuttal to that statement was I always appreciate the good times regardless! I’m many things, but ungrateful isn’t one of them! Don’t get me wrong though, I understand the concept.

Every day I tell myself that it’s my turn to shine again. I pray to God and I ask Him, “What is all this leading to?” Because like a tunnel I have idea where this journey is leading me to. Is it leading me to great fortune? Is it leading me to true love? Is it leading me to both of those things and a few others that I can’t even imagine? Then the cynical part of me asks is it leading me to misfortune, loneliness, or some terrible things I couldn’t imagine.

Either way what we all have to understand about life is that it’s a journey with many unknown destinations. At times it’s a heavy weight boxing match, it’s a war of some sort, and the hardest thing to do is fight or knowing when to sit back and ask God to take the wheel. We live in a world that is unfair and that doesn’t owe us anything though we give it all we have not only to survive, but to succeed.

Whenever my journey through this dark tunnel is over I want my mind to be blown! Not blown because something bad happened, but because something so great, something so wonderful happened that I lose my cool and literally lose my mind. Some things in life don’t make sense and faith certainly doesn’t make sense either, but it’s necessary and essential like air in order for us to breathe!

When this journey is over best believe I’ll be appreciative to see the end of the tunnel and when I come out and see that light I’m going to breathe deep and be grateful for the journey, but most of all the growth and the rewards to come.

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

P.S. For anyone going through something…..you are not alone.

This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

No N-Bombs Please and Thank You-What needs to be said.

As I’ve gotten older and more informed I very seldom use the word “nigger” almost to the point I don’t use it at all. I’m only typing it now because it’s relevant to this blog. It’s a word that I used a lot growing up, but that was me being ignorant thanks to hearing it in music and even at times in my own home growing up. The more I learned and the more I matured I learned that using such a word to describe “my” people was unnecessary. In most black neighborhoods you can hear it. If you turn on Jay-Z, or any other rapper you will hear that word in maybe more than you care to. If you watch a comedian like Katt Williams or Chris Rock you can guarantee that you will hear that word multiple times during their routine. Oprah said we shouldn’t use it anymore, but I don’t use it anymore because of what she said, but because of a choice I made 7 or 8 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong people because I love Hip-Hop music and I love to hear a lot of black comedians but Lord knows I wish that the N-Bomb wasn’t used at all.. It’s not all their fault though because it all starts at home. For some people they grew up with that word as a term of endearment as I also did. It can describe someone that was close to you. It can describe someone that means the world to you. It can describe someone that was like a brother or a sister that isn’t your blood relative, but as far as you were concerned if you said, “That’s my nigga!” well people around you knew exactly what you meant by that even though there are so many other words that could be used in the English language to get that very same point across.
It’s gotten to the point where some African Americans use it so much that everyone else does too and that to me is unacceptable. I stopped saying it because of the how it was used against African Americans during slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. The word itself came from Spanish and Portuguese known as negro and it is also derived from the Latin adjective Niger both meaning the color black to describe African Americans because of our skin tone. The British once felt that the word was acceptable to describe black people, but they don’t anymore. It’s seen as a negative word in Dutch, French, Hungarian, Russian and Yiddish also.

It makes me wonder why some of us use the N-Word. Dr. Cornell West said ““There’s a certain rhythmic seduction to the word. If you speak in a sentence, and you have to say cat, companion, or friend, as opposed to nigger, then the rhythmic presentation is off. That rhythmic language is a form of historical memory for black people.” I was amazed to find out that after Richard Pryor visited Africa that he decided to stop using the word even though he would find himself allowing the word to slip in his routines sometime, but his visit to Africa changed his perception of the word. U.S. Magazines won’t print the word verbatim. They replace it censored or use the N-Word in the place of it. Social activist Dick Gregory felt that not using the word in print was intellectually dishonest, because using the euphemism “the N-word” instead of “nigger” robs younger generations of Americans of the full history of Black people in America.

I agree with Dr. West because I admit there is a certain rhythmic seduction to the word, but that doesn’t mean we should continue to use it. Also I agree that the word doesn’t have to be used in print either. I think with all the technology and resources we have today that anyone of us with a computer and purpose can research the full history of Black people in America if they care to find out.

I don’t think nothing positive came out of using the word. It has been used as a derogatory term more than a positive term. In today’s society a lot of people try to turn what is seen as a negative word into a positive word. For example most women didn’t like being called a “bitch”, but in today’s society some women have made it a point to empower that word, which is something I don’t agree with also because a lot of people have used that word for years as a negative way to describe women. Today thanks to popular culture the word “bitch” is heard more and more, but at the end of the day it’s still a negative word no matter how you dress it up and the same goes for the word “nigger.” I didn’t stop using the N- Word because I reached a certain point in my life financially or career wise or because I think I’m better than anyone, but I did stop using it because of how degrading it was to all African Americans no matter if it was before me or after me.

The English language is beautiful and eclectic at the same time which means there are so many other words that can be used to describe African Americans in an endearing fashion. It may not have the “rhythmic seduction” that dropping the N-Bomb does, but using words in place of that is something that I happily accept. It doesn’t matter if Jay-Z, Michael Richards from Seinfeld, or Mark Fuhrman from the O.J. trial uses it because it’s still a negative word. I’d rather be your brother, your homey, your boy, your man, your buddy, or how about just your friend. African Americans are beautiful people from all walks of life and I refuse to tarnish that beauty with such an ugly word anymore…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

A Brotha’s Testimony-What Needs to be Said

I was born an African American male or Afro American male or you can simply say I’m a black male for short. From the time my mother birthed me 32 years ago until this present day that’s what I’ll always be and I’m proud of that! I’ll be the first to say that whatever our race is shouldn’t define us, but our character, our interactions with people, and our actions should define us. I always felt that our nationality or a race shouldn’t be a factor, but even in today’s society that has grown to be more accepting of all people it still is.

Does anyone remember when you realized what your nationality was? Do you remember when you understood what race you were? To be honest I don’t really remember. I attended a predominantly black elementary school so there really weren’t many differences between the kids I went to school with and myself. I was friends with one of the white kids at my school. His name was Eric and he was my kindergarten teacher’s nephew which is why he ended up going to Maywood Elementary School in East Hammond in the first place. We were cool and the fact that we were different didn’t matter. As we are children I think we just all want to play and get along with each other. One thing about being a little kid is that no one really judged one another, we just had fun! There are times I wonder what happened to Eric, but most of all I wonder what happened to that na├»ve, but easy going attitude we all had when we were children when it came to people being different.

I don’t say that to say things in 2011 are bad or terrible because they aren’t. As I move about my fan page I have people that support me of all colors, races, and religions on it. The place where I work is probably the most diverse place I will ever work at, and I graduated from a high school that was very diverse, but all of those places are in some sort of way are what I wish things were like all over the country, but I also understand that in some cases they are the exception to what some of us may have grew up around.

Fall 1997, I was a freshman in college at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. I admit when I started college that I kind of expected more diversity, but as I went through my classes I found it wasn’t uncommon for me to be the only African American in my classes. Even if there was an African American female in there with me I was the only black male in most of my classes. I think that’s when I realized how small the African American population was. Statistics say that there are more black men in prison then in college. Given the fact that African Americans only represent 12 percent of the U.S population I find that startling.

Statistics say that 75 percent of African American children grow up without a father in the home, which means that’s a lot of black women that end up being strong not only because they probably are, but because they have to be due to their circumstances. These women end up playing mother and father. My mother did it and some of my friends mothers as well. I didn’t meet my father until I was 20 years old. I’m not informing you of this statistic to say put “us” down, but to say that Lord knows I wish that would change.

If someone was to ask me what it’s like to be an African American male in today’s society I would say it’s difficult, but I know a lot of good men before me had it worst than I ever will! If I was to single out the hardest thing I would say the stereotypes that are put not only on African American males, but African Americans period. “We” are all not the same. Let’s be clear because all races and cultures have stereotypes, but whatever they are aren’t always true. It’s safe to say that races and cultures do differ, but that’s not a bad thing, it’s what makes them interesting.

If I was to ask anything of anyone that has ever met me I would say judge me on me, not what race I am even though my brown skin is obvious. I’m proud of my culture and the history behind it! Lord knows what a lot of brave people did before us to get to this point. Now that we’re here let’s make the most it. Our journey is really just beginning not only as African Americans, but a country as a whole. We can’t leave our pride in the past because I feel nowadays that it’s lacking and to be quite honest with you we all need it more than ever. We are still in a state of progression because it certainly didn’t stop in the 60’s and 70’s! In 2011 there still growth to be made not only for African Americans, but everybody else too….

God Bless,
“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Black History is American History-What Needs to be Said

One of the first things people say when the subject of Black History Month comes is “Why did we get the shortest month of the year?” I always laugh when I hear someone say that because it essence it seems that way, but that’s not why Black History Month is in February at all. It is in February because of two men who greatly influenced African Americans have birthdays in February, that being Fredrick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.

Carter G. Woodson, an African American Historian actually started what we know as Black History Month as Negro History Week in 1926 during the second week in February because Douglass and Lincoln’s birthday’s coincide that week. Woodson felt that African Americans contributions were overlooked and ignored in history so he pushed for African Americans to have a week to reflect on our contributions to American History. Since 1976 Black History Month is celebrated the entire month of February in the United States and Canada while the United Kingdom celebrates it in October.
The question I pose to myself sometimes is “Have we come to the point where Black History should just be considered American History?” I pose this question as some other people do because Black History in essence is American History. A lot of African Americans had a strong hand in helping build this country. They came in the form of inventors, educators, members of the armed forces, and many other areas that all are a part of American History.

Even though we pay special attention to African Americans during the month of February I think that us studying that history shouldn’t just be celebrated for just one month, but the other 11 months as well just as the rest of American History is recognized in the classrooms and beyond. I think everyone knows about the Civil Rights Movement and what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. contributed, but it was so many more African Americans that contributed to this country after him and I say that with the upmost respect to Dr. King.

When I was in high school I didn’t hear about Mark Dean and Dennis Moeller who developed high performance software for IBM and compatible PC’s that allowed computer components to communicate with each other more efficiently. There system was patents were marketed in the IBM and PC/AT computers in 1984.
I didn’t hear about Lonnie Johnson who invented what we know as the “Super Soaker” in 1988. It was originally named the “Power Drencher” and was patented as the Super Soaker in 1991. If you think back how many of us actually had a “Super Soaker it makes you think a little!” I know I had a few.

Let me go deeper though. Dr. Patricia Bath invented the Cataract Laserphaco Probe which is the machine that removes cataracts by laser. She was able to restore people who had been legally blind for 30 years with eyesight. The machine was patented in 1988 and she also holds that same patent in Japan, Canada, and Europe.

I mentioned these 4 people because I feel like we all can relate to these inventions today and there are so many others before them that I don’t even have time to name! People may read this and say that I feel that Black History Month isn’t necessary, but that’s not what I mean at all. I just simply wish that the discoveries of African Americans are recognized just like everyone else’s in America!

People may not like this saying, but it essence it’s true. “We came so far, yet we have so far to go.” I’m proud of the accomplishments of African Americans big and small! The biggest by far is that we have an African American President in my opinion. I remember Tupac and a lyric in his song “Changes.” “And Although it seems heaven sent, we ain’t ready to see a black president.” Well once what people never thought may happen or wouldn’t happen this soon happened two years ago.

I wouldn’t say I have a dream, but I have a hope. I have a hope that one day it won’t matter what race made what contribution. Hopefully the only thing that will matter is the contribution itself because this eclectic place called the United States of America is made up of so many wonderful people and cultures. Everybody deserves some love and appreciation, but at the end of the day we all play for the same team……

God Bless,
“13 Ways” ( The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

Diary of Friends

During my lifetime I’ve had a lot of people come in and out of my life. Whether it’s from my hometown, my workplace, or elsewhere I’ve realized I know a lot of people. Thanks to social networking I now know some people who I’ve never even met face to face apparently. It’s all good though because at some point in this small world we all will cross paths at some point.

I may have over 1200 friends on Facebook, but in real life my circle of friends is very small. I’m an only child, but I always had a lot of friends and as you get older that number becomes smaller and smaller. People go different directions in their lives and you have to choose which direction you want to go in and that direction may not be the same direction as someone close to you.

As an adult the one thing I’ve noticed is and what I’m thankful for all my real friends! A lot of guys that I grew up with are still some of my closest friends. My two closest friends don’t even live in Northwest Indiana anymore, but despite the distance we remain friends. We still trust one another and would be there if we needed one another. I’ve had my share of female friends too and when I mean friends I really mean friends! I’m thankful for every one of them. At times I’ve crossed that platonic line only to regret it later. I vowed I would never cross that line again and I haven’t since. Others have simply fell to the way side. Some women are just fickle, which could end up being messy, which could lead to drama, which could lead to things escalating and that’s not healthy.

As we move about through this crazy world we have to be careful who we allow into our world. Lord knows if I treated people the way they have treated me over the years I would be hated more than liked. I don’t say that to say I’m an angel, because I’m not! Personally when I do go off on someone it probably hurts more because I don’t do it very much, which probably means if I said something hurtful, then,…. well,…. chances are I meant what I said! Being a nice person doesn’t mean its open season to get rolled over on. It means you defending yourself like any other person would when it’s needed, even if it’s not as frequent as others.
As 2011 begins to settle in all of us are making changes and some people from last year or past years didn’t make it here with you. Some of those reasons were simply not in our control while other relationships, friendships, etc, have simply run their course. Like a team that got eliminated from the playoffs, well their season is over. Sometime people are just around for a season to help you grow a little more.

Coming in to 2011 I didn’t make a list of formal resolutions, but I’ve made some promises to myself that I have every intention on keeping them. I invite doubters to take a front row seat to watch things unfold.

As you live your lives people will always have an opinion of who they think you are. No matter what you do whether it’s positive or negative people will always have something to say about you. The sad part is how people talk about you when you’re trying to do something positive! That in itself amazes me! A friend of mine posted up a status the other day and it said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” I’d like to add to that by asking “Which one are you?” I’d rather discuss ideas and a few events along the way. I’ll save the small minded discussions for small minded people!

In my life I had extreme highs and extreme lows and some bulls**t in between and somehow I’m still here. That in itself is something to be grateful for. In this life know who your friends are. When people tell you exactly who they are, you should listen closely. Trust your instincts. Trust few and treat people like you would want to be treated. Don’t criticize people if you can’t deal with being criticized yourself. Learn to communicate to people and don’t expect anyone to assume anything. Last, but not least know that the high road is much smoother to take in life’s situations, but it’s harder to find sometimes. We all have our time to shine and when it’s your time to shine on the people that were negative towards you or tried to bring you down, blind those people with your light not to show off, but to say them in your own special way…..nice try and thanks…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

Copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Love and it’s Complications in all Honesty…

As we embark on another year on God’s green Earth everyone is making their promises, their declarations, their resolutions, or whatever you want call the changes you plan on making in your life for 2011. I’m sure on someone’s list of changes that a relationship is somewhere on the list and if it’s not it’s on your mind because I feel at the end of the day that everybody wants somebody whether they want to admit it or not.

Relationships are always a hot topic. We could all talk about it for hours on end. I’m sure if we were to get a group of men and women together and put them in room to talk about relationships they could talk about the trials and tribulations they have experienced. It would be like a church for the broken hearted and everybody would have a testimony to give, but instead of catching the holy ghost people would reflect more on how those relationships hurt them instead of talking about what they have learned from them while men and women pointed the finger at each other saying that one sex doesn’t make sense compared to the other. I think to a degree that’s all something we all have done at one time or another. Some have done it enough to say without a stutter that they won’t ever find the right mate, when really they’re current relationship state is simply temporary. I guess the counter question people would ask would be “How long is temporary and when in the hell will temporary be over?” I guess it will be over when we have cleared enough space in hearts for the right person to come along.

It’s easy to carry over our bulls**t from another relationship or situation into another one because at some point we all get lonely, but sometimes being lonely is necessary. That doesn’t mean it’s supposed to be easy, but that time could be needed so we can press the preverbal reset buttons on our hearts. Moving forward too soon could be a terrible mistake. I’ve made that mistake once myself. I heard from someone from my past once that I should follow my own advice, since I considered myself a relationship blogger. I just kind of laughed to myself because first of all I’m not a relationship blogger, I’m simply a writer and second I do listen to my own advice otherwise I would have been a hell of a lot worst then I was in that situation. I’m sure she would agree that I wasn’t half as bad as the men that came before me.

I will say that “lonely” time is not to add s**t to what we want in a mate. I think every single person has some kind of requirement list and just because one situation doesn’t work out doesn’t mean it’s time to add to the list or take requirements out of it, but to carefully reevaluate it! I think sometime people add to these lists to make up for their own insecurities. All I can say to my fellow single people out there is don’t ask anything of anyone that you don’t have or do for yourself. In other words people….Don’t be a nickel looking for a dime! Some people are old rusted nickels looking for shiny new dimes. I’m just saying. Some people have requests so crazy that the only person that fits the bill is Jesus! LOL! In other words nobody is perfect and that includes you too! I don’t think perfection exists, but we should strive to be the best people we can be. That means you too!

I think everyone wants to be loved, but some us are afraid to love again. I’ve been in love before of course, but I’ll be honest with you when I say I don’t necessarily remember what it totally feels like anymore. I’ve always compared love to a drug. Once you have had it, you want it again and again, but I went to rehab I guess. Love is the strongest and the most sensitive emotion. I feel that love exists in our hearts right between what’s the best about us and where all our insecurities reside. It’s our most vulnerable emotion we have and when we feel that emotion at times we deny it, we hide it, and we shut it down because it can put us in such a vulnerable state. In essence it’s one of life’s emotions that we have very little control over, when it’s real. There’s a big difference between what you may do for a person or what you may due for the man or woman that you love. We have to remember that love is not something that is just given and that it’s a whole lot more than just another four letter word.

Just because some of us may want this emotion doesn’t mean we should just rush into things. I know there’s a place in everybody’s heart that wants to be loved, cared for, appreciated, and adored among other things, but some people won’t admit it, especially if they have really been hurt or was simply in a relationship they should have been involved in the first place. You could deal with a person for a long period of time and never have their heart because their pride simply won’t let them give it to anyone, or they honestly don’t have the courage to give their heart anymore because they may have gave it to the wrong person and when the right person comes along they punk out because of past experiences missing out on what Alicia Keys and Drake call……The “Un-thinkable.”

Then some of us are “funny acting” about relationships all together. Men and women can have power struggles in a relationship because no one trusts one another to be vulnerable with the issues that really matter in their lives, that’s even if they even consider themselves in a relationship to begin with. In my opinion I’ve always felt that women use the word “friend” to loosely, but that’s another blog and another time.

I think what a lot of single people look at are the benefits of being with someone and not the work that goes in with being with someone. I guess the thing that can make a relationship complicated is that all the work put in shouldn’t feel like work! When your heart is fully vested it doesn’t feel so much like work. When your heart isn’t fully vested even the basic things that it takes to maintain a relationship like daily communication becomes a chore.

The question and the fear by most people is fully investing themselves into a relationship in the first place because NO one wants to get hurt. I’ve always felt that it’s easy to allow a man or woman to touch and do with our bodies any kind of way intimately, but to touch a woman’s and even a man’s heart is much harder because our hearts can be so fragile when it comes to serious emotions. There’s no real way to protect ourselves from it, but to be careful and to try to know exactly who were dealing with and even then we can still get hurt. It’s a gamble either way.

At 32 years old I have no idea where my love life is going, so I just simply play it by ear. This may sound a bit cynical, but love isn’t at the top of my list. At the same time that doesn’t mean that I’m afraid of love. I just feel like when it’s the right woman and the right time I’ll know. Until then well….I guess I’ll just write about it from time to time along the way…..

God Bless,
“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2011