Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I liken the hard times we experience in life at times to a tunnel. An area filled with darkness and we have no idea where that tunnel is leading us to or when it’s going to end to when we see the light at the end of it. It’s long, it’s dark, and it maybe cold or even hot, but whatever the temperature is best believe it’s uncomfortable. Where this tunnel is located can’t be found on any GPS. Whether you have seen my statuses on my Facebook fan page, my personal page, or my Twitter account you have probably heard me express my distain for 2011 thus far. To say that things have started off slow for me so far this year is an understatement and as far as my own personal tunnel, well I have no idea how close I am to the end of it just yet, but let’s say I hope it’s over soon.
To be totally honest with all of you reading I’ve been pretty depressed for an abundance of reasons. Anything that you can think of that could go wrong this year pretty much has. I feel like I’m being punished for something, but I have no idea in the world what it is. Whatever it is I don’t feel it was so bad to run into the misfortune that I’ve had to endure so far this year. There have been times I’ve just screamed. I screamed so hard and so loud that I felt like I almost strained my vocal cords beyond repair. I screamed so hard last week that my throat was sore and it hurt to talk for about two days. When you go through something bad it makes you understand for anyone that believes in God just now little control we have over our lives.
As I’m going through my battles I’ve seen people I know pass away, some of my favorite celebrities die and one of my friends just recently loss his two year old daughter suddenly. Add in natural disasters like the earthquake in Japan that was a ridiculous 8.9 on the Richter scale that literally and figuratively shook that country along with Tsunami warnings that could lead right up to the door steps of the United States in Hawaii. That alone could make you wonder what is going on in the world and why things are happening the way they are.
If you’re anything like me your harder on yourself than anyone could ever be. It may come to a surprise to anyone reading this, but I give myself very little credit for anything I’ve managed to accomplish in my life and I give myself ALL of the blame for anything I’ve failed at. At best I’m a humble control freak if there is such a thing. Maybe some of you feel the same way I do or God help you even worst.
I’ll be honest with you all, when my mother died I felt like I didn’t deserve another sad day in my entire life because I had lost someone so near and dear to me. The pain and hurt I experienced during that time I felt was enough for a lifetime. So when life crossed this bridge and decided to make me go through this tunnel I was appalled and most of all angry. Some of you may have seen when I was about to shut down my fan page. I’ve been blogging for 4 years and I was ready to stop writing all together. I felt like I didn’t have anything inspiring to say because my heart and soul was at such a cynical place. All who commented on that status gave me the strength to reconsider and to just take a break.
As the saying goes, “Life isn’t fair”. I’ve seen so many good people already literally go through udder hell this year in some shape, form or fashion it makes you wonder and ask yourself, “Why I’m I even trying to be a good person? Especially, when life is literally giving you an ass whipping you know for certain you don’t deserve even on your worst day! Even when we try our absolute best sometimes life will tell us that even though you gave it your all it just wasn’t good enough.
When terrible things happen to us it tests our faith to levels we feel that are unheard of. Many people have told me we have to go through the bad times to appreciate the good. My rebuttal to that statement was I always appreciate the good times regardless! I’m many things, but ungrateful isn’t one of them! Don’t get me wrong though, I understand the concept.
Every day I tell myself that it’s my turn to shine again. I pray to God and I ask Him, “What is all this leading to?” Because like a tunnel I have idea where this journey is leading me to. Is it leading me to great fortune? Is it leading me to true love? Is it leading me to both of those things and a few others that I can’t even imagine? Then the cynical part of me asks is it leading me to misfortune, loneliness, or some terrible things I couldn’t imagine.
Either way what we all have to understand about life is that it’s a journey with many unknown destinations. At times it’s a heavy weight boxing match, it’s a war of some sort, and the hardest thing to do is fight or knowing when to sit back and ask God to take the wheel. We live in a world that is unfair and that doesn’t owe us anything though we give it all we have not only to survive, but to succeed.
Whenever my journey through this dark tunnel is over I want my mind to be blown! Not blown because something bad happened, but because something so great, something so wonderful happened that I lose my cool and literally lose my mind. Some things in life don’t make sense and faith certainly doesn’t make sense either, but it’s necessary and essential like air in order for us to breathe!
When this journey is over best believe I’ll be appreciative to see the end of the tunnel and when I come out and see that light I’m going to breathe deep and be grateful for the journey, but most of all the growth and the rewards to come.
“13 Ways” (The Movement)
P.S. For anyone going through something…..you are not alone.
This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011