Sunday, January 10, 2010
Are You Ready for Love?
Some of my readers may think of me as the resident relationship expert, but I’ll be the first to correct anyone who thinks that! I write about relationships sometimes, but I write about things I’ve observed and things I’ve experienced in my own relationships and most importantly what I’ve learned from them.
I was joking with someone close to me this morning at breakfast and said, “Damn, I’m tired of learning things the hard way! Her reply was, “Sometime that’s what it takes!” I just nodded my head and said “Yeah, sometimes…..” About a week ago I had to learn a lesson the hard way! I learned that I wasn’t ready for a relationship after 5 months of dating a good woman. I learned that my heart just wasn’t in the relationship! It was somewhere else. As the song by Atlantic Starr goes, “If your heart isn’t in it, why can’t you tell me so?” I was beginning to shut down and become lax in the relationship and the feeling wouldn’t pass, so I broke things off because I knew in my heart I was unable to give that person what they truly deserved. I would rather be alone than hurt someone that I know has a good heart! I would rather give her the chance of finding someone better suited for her, because I begin to discover that I wasn’t the one for her.
I’ve told myself that I just need some time to be alone, that I need to really think about what I need, what I’m able to give and most importantly, what I wanted. I’ll be the first to say that are past relationship experiences should be used as learning tools instead of a crutch or as an excuse to not try being in a relationship again. We should be better people after a relationship fails. It’s very surprising how much you learn about yourself being around another person for a good period of time!
In my short time on this Earth I’ve managed to have been in a relationship where I saw every single phase of a relationship and then some with the exception of not getting married and having children, even though at one point that was my intention. I’ve seen how relationships are built! I’ve seen how relationships grow! I’ve sacrificed and had someone sacrifice for me! I’ve argued about everything under the sun with a woman whether or not it was considered to be important or not! At 31 I know what love is and what it’s supposed to be, how it’s supposed to feel and the work that goes into it! I’ve seen how other people’s family becomes your family too and sharing holiday’s together and most of all I know what chemistry is!!! It goes beyond just having a few things in common! It goes so much deeper than that! It’s a combination of love, respect, mutual interest, and shared experience over a long period of time that evolves with time!
I know what love is and I know how it feels and I haven’t felt it in a while!! I thought that my heart forgot how to love. Part of my heart died when my mother died two years ago. I can’t regain a mother’s love, but I still remember what it was like to be in love with a woman that loves me and how the hell things are supposed to go!
I hear people talk about they want a relationship or how they deserve someone good or that they have so much love to give, but relationships take work!! It takes more than love to keep a relationship going! You have to come as close as you possibly can to loving someone unconditionally!!! Its one thing to love your child unconditionally, but to love your girl, or your man in that way takes work, not to mention a whole different level of trust!!
Believe it or not dating is easy!!! Being with someone for 6 months to a year is easy!!! I’ll tell you a secret! 6 months really isn’t any time!! Do you really honestly think you’re going to know someone after 6 months!! I know people that have been married for a number of years and they still are discovering new things about their spouse regardless if it’s good or bad!!
Were such a “Want when we want it” generation!! I can name at least 3 couples that got married, had kids and got divorced inside of 3 years!!! Everything and anything worth having takes time, effort and hard work and relationships aren’t any different!!
I see single people who see what other people go through in relationships and say “Damn, I’m glad I’m single!!” Relationships are not easy!! A lot of people are just afraid of the commitment, while others are just afraid of being vulnerable to another person or being held accountable to another person. We have to do things when were ready, especially when it comes to committing to someone!
I’ll be the first to say that a man or woman should never play with someone’s heart!! I know men and woman that have grown cold because someone they loved and thought loved them did them wrong! Everybody is not able to recover from heartbreak and a lot of times those people are never the same after that!
Good girl gone bad and that man that was a puppy becomes a full-fledged dog because their afraid of being vulnerable to anyone and most importantly they feel like they can’t trust anyone anymore! Or worst than that they become bitter! We have to take are time people! No matter if you’ve had your heart broken or never experienced heartbreak it’s important that we pace ourselves!
So some of you may say “Jon, what are you doing to move forward?” Well for me that journey started yesterday about an hour away from home. I’ve taken a small step back in order to make a big step forward!
Moral of the story today is not to be afraid of love, but prepare to love! And like I always say, “Love yourself, before you love someone else!!”
That’s all I got for you all today….
“13 Ways” (The Movement)
This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2010