Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Theory of Love…..According to 13.

What does it feel like to be in love because somewhere along the way I forgot how it felt? Maybe it’s because love hasn’t loved me or had failed to be what I thought it was supposed to be. Maybe movies like Love Jones, Brown Sugar and the Notebook sold me a dream that I simply couldn’t afford. Or maybe it just isn’t my time to love yet. At this point I would say all of the above and then some is true. A lot of people ask the question does true love even exist in the first place. Some people may even say that true love is simply a fairytale or that it just doesn’t exist at all, but I don’t believe that nor do I think it’s complicated as we make it. I truly think we as people complicate love, however you decide to view it one thing is for certain….true love is hard to find.

One of the first issues I have with love is that the word itself is misused. We may love to do things with a person, love something about a person, or just love doing certain things with one another like sex for instance, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to love. Love by definition is supposed to be unconditional, but we have put conditions on what love is and why we should love someone in the first place. It’s said that we should love one another as God loves us, but that is damn near impossible because even the people who love us or claim to love us hurt us the most sometimes and it’s hard to be unconditional when that happens even when we forgive them for something they have done wrong.

I said a few years ago that we choose who we love and I couldn’t have been more wrong. If it’s a choice at all it’s an involuntary choice, but regardless of that we should know the reasons we love someone and those reasons hopefully aren’t superficial. The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation. Love is an urgent and at times an inconvenient act. I don’t think love can be based just on time spent with a person because love can’t tell time, but I do feel that love can grow over time. I know people that have been together for short periods of time and know they love each other and I also know people that have been together for years and don’t appear or behave as if they love each other at all. I feel at the end of the day it’s about being consistent with the love we give, but it needs to be done in a fashion that isn’t a chore even though loving someone does take effort and work. It’s like doing something you love to do. You love it so much that it doesn’t feel like work and I think love should be treated in that same fashion.

The harsh truth is that finding true love is difficult and a lot of times the people that may treat us the best or show us the most concern may not be the people we’re interested in. Also unfortunately the people we may want the most may not be the best for us or some reason you just can’t get things to flow right. However you look view it, it’s a risk. I’ve grown to the point now that I don’t have an interest in passing time with anyone while hoping along the way some real feelings might surface. I just don’t want to deal with a woman just to keep the other side of my bed warm or just to keep me company. I’ve done that before and I’ve done it with no regrets, but I’m at the point and at the age now that I’ve found out that’s not good enough for me anymore.

Don’t get me wrong because we have to be willing to take a few risks with our heart and put our feelings on the line because love is not only involuntary, but unexpected act as well. We have to be tactful with that though meaning sometime stepping way outside of your box may not be a good idea. I think if you’re an adult you pretty much know what you like and what you don’t like. A lot of times we go into situations thinking we can change someone, but people seldom change for a person even know they may love them, they usually change because it’s a conscious choice they made for themselves.

The funny thing is regardless of our relationship status were going to complain about something. People in relationships complain about stuff, married people complain about stuff and single people complain about being single if there not happy being single. At some point single people will get tired of being single too!
I have days that I ask God who am I supposed to be with. Where is she? Who is she? Have I met here already and all of those crazy questions that you may even ask yourself sometimes if you’re single. I’m sure whenever it happens I won’t be getting a heads up from God about it! Whenever it happens I just want to be ready for it. I feel like I already love the person I’m supposed to be with not because I know her or may have been with her, but simply because of the expectation of her…..whoever she may be. The only question I would be dying to ask her when she comes into my life is….. “What took you so long?”

My theory is we have to have the patience for love to find us. It usually doesn’t happen when were looking for someone. It usually sneaks up on us like a thief in the night. I don’t think there’s a man or woman in this world that doesn’t want someone to steal their heart. All we want is for someone to value our heart and everything else that goes along with it. We want someone that is willing to love the good, the bad and the in between of us no matter what while most of all understanding when that person has showed up in our lives and we make the choice for them to be a part of our lives forever…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)