As we embark on another year on God’s green Earth everyone is making their promises, their declarations, their resolutions, or whatever you want call the changes you plan on making in your life for 2011. I’m sure on someone’s list of changes that a relationship is somewhere on the list and if it’s not it’s on your mind because I feel at the end of the day that everybody wants somebody whether they want to admit it or not.
Relationships are always a hot topic. We could all talk about it for hours on end. I’m sure if we were to get a group of men and women together and put them in room to talk about relationships they could talk about the trials and tribulations they have experienced. It would be like a church for the broken hearted and everybody would have a testimony to give, but instead of catching the holy ghost people would reflect more on how those relationships hurt them instead of talking about what they have learned from them while men and women pointed the finger at each other saying that one sex doesn’t make sense compared to the other. I think to a degree that’s all something we all have done at one time or another. Some have done it enough to say without a stutter that they won’t ever find the right mate, when really they’re current relationship state is simply temporary. I guess the counter question people would ask would be “How long is temporary and when in the hell will temporary be over?” I guess it will be over when we have cleared enough space in hearts for the right person to come along.
It’s easy to carry over our bulls**t from another relationship or situation into another one because at some point we all get lonely, but sometimes being lonely is necessary. That doesn’t mean it’s supposed to be easy, but that time could be needed so we can press the preverbal reset buttons on our hearts. Moving forward too soon could be a terrible mistake. I’ve made that mistake once myself. I heard from someone from my past once that I should follow my own advice, since I considered myself a relationship blogger. I just kind of laughed to myself because first of all I’m not a relationship blogger, I’m simply a writer and second I do listen to my own advice otherwise I would have been a hell of a lot worst then I was in that situation. I’m sure she would agree that I wasn’t half as bad as the men that came before me.
I will say that “lonely” time is not to add s**t to what we want in a mate. I think every single person has some kind of requirement list and just because one situation doesn’t work out doesn’t mean it’s time to add to the list or take requirements out of it, but to carefully reevaluate it! I think sometime people add to these lists to make up for their own insecurities. All I can say to my fellow single people out there is don’t ask anything of anyone that you don’t have or do for yourself. In other words people….Don’t be a nickel looking for a dime! Some people are old rusted nickels looking for shiny new dimes. I’m just saying. Some people have requests so crazy that the only person that fits the bill is Jesus! LOL! In other words nobody is perfect and that includes you too! I don’t think perfection exists, but we should strive to be the best people we can be. That means you too!
I think everyone wants to be loved, but some us are afraid to love again. I’ve been in love before of course, but I’ll be honest with you when I say I don’t necessarily remember what it totally feels like anymore. I’ve always compared love to a drug. Once you have had it, you want it again and again, but I went to rehab I guess. Love is the strongest and the most sensitive emotion. I feel that love exists in our hearts right between what’s the best about us and where all our insecurities reside. It’s our most vulnerable emotion we have and when we feel that emotion at times we deny it, we hide it, and we shut it down because it can put us in such a vulnerable state. In essence it’s one of life’s emotions that we have very little control over, when it’s real. There’s a big difference between what you may do for a person or what you may due for the man or woman that you love. We have to remember that love is not something that is just given and that it’s a whole lot more than just another four letter word.
Just because some of us may want this emotion doesn’t mean we should just rush into things. I know there’s a place in everybody’s heart that wants to be loved, cared for, appreciated, and adored among other things, but some people won’t admit it, especially if they have really been hurt or was simply in a relationship they should have been involved in the first place. You could deal with a person for a long period of time and never have their heart because their pride simply won’t let them give it to anyone, or they honestly don’t have the courage to give their heart anymore because they may have gave it to the wrong person and when the right person comes along they punk out because of past experiences missing out on what Alicia Keys and Drake call……The “Un-thinkable.”
Then some of us are “funny acting” about relationships all together. Men and women can have power struggles in a relationship because no one trusts one another to be vulnerable with the issues that really matter in their lives, that’s even if they even consider themselves in a relationship to begin with. In my opinion I’ve always felt that women use the word “friend” to loosely, but that’s another blog and another time.
I think what a lot of single people look at are the benefits of being with someone and not the work that goes in with being with someone. I guess the thing that can make a relationship complicated is that all the work put in shouldn’t feel like work! When your heart is fully vested it doesn’t feel so much like work. When your heart isn’t fully vested even the basic things that it takes to maintain a relationship like daily communication becomes a chore.
The question and the fear by most people is fully investing themselves into a relationship in the first place because NO one wants to get hurt. I’ve always felt that it’s easy to allow a man or woman to touch and do with our bodies any kind of way intimately, but to touch a woman’s and even a man’s heart is much harder because our hearts can be so fragile when it comes to serious emotions. There’s no real way to protect ourselves from it, but to be careful and to try to know exactly who were dealing with and even then we can still get hurt. It’s a gamble either way.
At 32 years old I have no idea where my love life is going, so I just simply play it by ear. This may sound a bit cynical, but love isn’t at the top of my list. At the same time that doesn’t mean that I’m afraid of love. I just feel like when it’s the right woman and the right time I’ll know. Until then well….I guess I’ll just write about it from time to time along the way…..
“13 Ways” (The Movement)
This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2011