Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Love Recession-from 2008

Thanks to a failed attempt to fall asleep I have decided to spoil my readers this morning. My mind has been working overtime along with my emotions, so I do what I always do when those two events happen, I write.

Before I went to bed I put in my favorite movie, "Love Jones" .While I was watching it I begin to think about how Darius and Nina's situation related to things today and I thought to myself, damn they fell in love and all they were doing at first was JUST KICKING IT!

The writer and director, Theodore Witcher probably never thought people would still love this movie or be able to quote it line for line when he made it 11 years ago, or maybe he did. I think he wrote probably some of the deepest lines that I had ever heard, period.

One of my favorite lines is when Savon says to Darius at Sheila's party "Yall running around here, jumping, hoping, skipping, diving, falling in love and shit. Falling in love ain't shit! Will somebody please tell me how to stay there?" When you think about those lines, my God how true they are.

The movie "Love Jones" is a simple interpretation and endearing way of showing how love is expressed, even though Darius and Nina never expected to fall in love.

I know you all are wondering why is Jon talking about "Love Jones"? Well, you watch how I bring yall out on this one. A friend of mine wrote me a message because a relationship didn't work out for her. I figured most of us have all been through this before and if you haven't keep on living. Like Darius and Nina, they were JUST KICKING IT, except she fell in love and he didn't. I thought to myself, damn! That has to be a really bad feeling. NO ONE WANTS TO BE REJECTED!

My heart went out to her. I thought to myself about her situation and my previous situation and came up with the conclusion that some people just aren't ready for love.....
We think sometime that if we just love that person so deeply, so hard, and in such an endearing way that they will just return the love we give back to them tenfold, when in reality that is not necessarily true.

I can only say from experience that you could have your stuff together, be attractive, and know how to love, but if that person isn't ready to accept it, then there is nothing you can do about it. This is the type of shit that leaves people heartbroken for years. It's not your fault; they just aren't ready for your love.

You put in time, money, love and anything else you can think of to make a relationship work, but you don't succeed in the relationship.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most is when people do all of these things and they are not in a relationship. They are JUST KICKING IT! I know somebody that was involved with a woman for 3 years. They spent time together; of course they were having sex, and everything else that most people do in a relationship. I'm sorry yall, but if you are doing all of that, you in are in damn relationship. You just don't KICK IT with somebody for 3 years no matter what you say. This guy maintained that he was JUST KICKING IT! The woman he was involved with pretty much thought otherwise in her heart, but she allowed him to just KICK IT for 3 years. ....
Eventually she got tired of JUST KICKING IT and moved on. Maybe the fact that he was having a son by another woman had something to do with that? Like I said, they were JUST KICKING IT! Then after that he tells me, man I miss her. It's over between us. I was like; I thought you all were JUST KICKING IT! He was like we were together for 3 years though. Even he finally realized that they were doing more than JUST KICKING IT! In the end he was hurt. ....
You know we should be careful who we give our hearts to. I understand that the single life sucks. Read my previous blog for further reference. I'm sure we all have JUST KICKED IT before. I know I have. That doesn't mean given your heart to a person right away either!....
All it means when a person or person's wants to JUST KICK IT that they are either not ready for a commitment or have no intentions of committing to anybody. That is all it really means. Some people still want to play the field. They want to have a choice. I get it. I really do, but if you're having sex with somebody on a regular basis and spending significant time together, you aren't JUST KICKING IT, you're in a relationship whether you like it or not.

We all want to be loved. We may not understand how to receive it or may not know how to give it, but regardless we all want to be loved. That's right ladies; men want to be loved too! You all think we are all about the booty huh! We as men are always not as smart when it comes to love as you would like us to be, but any man worth his salt and some good sense knows a good woman when he sees her.

A cute face, pretty eyes, nice back side, nice front side, somewhere between a size 5 to a size 10, good job situation, one child or less. Not to mention sweet, caring, understanding, loving, and last but not least ride or die. I'm just saying! That's what I require, but I'm sure most guys would agree with me on this one. What I'm trying to say is a good man knows a real woman when he sees her.

I can't speak for you extra thug, no communicating, you know what I'm saying, barley working or not working at all, selling weed for 7 years and ain't moved up to cocaine yet kinda brothers who don't take care of their kids and probably don't even own a car or have their own place. I'm not talking about yall. I'm talking about that guy that picked up a trade, went to college, makes a little money, got his own shit, takes care of his kids kinda of brother. I'm talking about the kind of brother who was taught how to treat a woman properly and most of all with respect. One day you young girls are going to learn. I'm trying to put you all up on game here, but everybody pay attention!

Moral of the story is today is to never sell yourself short. If you are in a worthy situation of it becoming a relationship, please don't be scared. Men, claim that woman! Ladies tell that man you are trying to be his one and only, if that's the way you feel. I'm telling yall just kicking it is not what's hot. Yeah I said it! It's not hot! Also this means not giving your heart to early also.

How many times are you ladies gonna let him throw it down and have him not claim you or you not claim him. Guys how many raggedy ass females do you have to go through to realize that the woman you are calling number one is probably the only one.

I'm here to tell everybody to get it together. This single thing is like the economy, we are in a recession. Voting for Barack Obama will get us out of our economic recession, but it's up to us to get us out of this love recession. Think about it!

This blog is copyrighted by the The Movement Expressed Writings Inc. 2008

Gentlemen's Affair-We do exist!

Apparently the gentlemen are an endangered species nowadays. They said we were the last of a dying breed, they thought men like us didn’t exist, but somehow we were overlooked, somehow we were forgotten, somehow they thought the last of us changed are tune years ago and conformed to bad boys, somehow they thought we abandoned everything our parents taught us about how to treat a woman, and they were wrong! They were so wrong!

Today somebody told me that nice guys finish last. I consider myself a nice guy so that naturally pissed me off, but I do feel that way from time to time. In most recent weeks I have seen some good guys get shit on for being exactly what they are…..good guys or as I would like to call them….gentlemen.

So what is a gentlemen? I found the definition under chivalry so let me break it down for you!
Chivalry actually started in medieval times as an institution of knighthood. It’s associated as knightly virtues and courtly love. In today’s society it is defined as courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women. In other words being a gentleman.

The definition says it courteous behavior towards women not men. Yeah I understand that, but the reason I’m so upset this morning because nowadays some men are treating women any kind of way! The really tragic thing is some women are allowing these men to treat them in an improper manor.

I’m talking about grown ass men just saying anything, doing anything and have the audacity to not even be a gentleman. Some guys out there might think I’m hating, but I’m not. I will say this; you bastards are saturating the precious search of love and the pursuit of it drastically!
You got guys not opening doors, not picking up dinner bills, not paying for movies, and not even driving on the dates. I may sound old school, but I’m a conventional man in a lot of ways. It’s not just about paying for everything because on some first dates the dating couple splits the bill. It’s about the lame ass lines some guys drop to get holla at a woman they admire. Telling a woman she has a big ass or saying something even crasser is not the way to court a woman.
Let’s be real for a sec. There has never been a man flirt with a woman and say some off the wall stuff. (GULITY AS CHARGED, BLAME IT ON THE LONG ISLAND. LOL!) I understand us guys will say some crazy things in the club, but on the street it’s unacceptable and the fact that some woman are allowing this behavior just shocking.

You got guys allow themselves to just say anything or dropping these lame ass rapper quoted lines you heard in the latest single on the radio. Guys need to start being themselves!!!! Your respected selves anyway! I mean the real you, not your representative on the date.
It goes deeper than that though because I have come to find that some women like this! They want to not be treated in a proper way. They want to be dogged! They want the drama! They want to be played! They want to be lied too! How stupid is this shit!! That doesn’t even sound attractive!!

I have to come to find out in my years that some women don’t want to be treated right! Maybe they feel there not worth it or maybe they just want something to complain about. Maybe they have low self-esteem!

I myself was once accused of being too nice! I just laughed because when I did check that certain someone in certain situations then I’m the crazy muthaf***a!! LOL! It’s all a mystery to me.
I’m not going to pose the question what do woman want, because I’m not trying to conform to something that I’m not to get a woman. I know exactly how to treat a woman and in some cases maybe a few women weren’t ready for that. That shit isn’t my fault. I was who I was before I met you! To my guys that are going through break-ups right now, maybe it wasn’t your fault. Some women aren’t ready for a real man and they constantly sell themselves short. At least in one cases I talked about I know this to be true!

They say they want the truth, but they can’t handle the truth. They say they want to be loved, but they have no idea how to love back. They say they want a good man and come to find out they have no idea how to handle a good man or make the terrible mistake of taking a man’s kindness for weakness.

I think some women go for these guys that are the so called bad boys because they want to feel safe, they want to feel protected and yes they want to feel needed! Don’t get me wrong because that’s totally understandable, but if your dating a real man, a gentleman that shouldn’t be a problem.

See, a bad boy picks a fight; a gentleman chooses to accept that fight and is more than capable of finishing it in his favor. A gentleman uses his brain all the time and his brawn on command. A bad boy can’t control his brawn and doesn’t know how to use his brain. A gentlemen knows he can’t handle everything on his own either and has room for a women to fit in.

Ladies guys aren’t soft if they show you some attention, open a door for you, buy you flowers and cuddle with you after we tear that ass up! LOL! We just actually give a damn about you to do so. Maybe, just maybe we feel your worth it!

I always heard that women go through a bad boy stage. Well I got a message for those women my age that are still in that stage…..

You might want to pay attention. That guy that is making the right moves and that has his shit together might be the guy for you. It goes deeper than anything monetary though because if that man doesn’t have good character and some personality to go along with the things he has and the goals he has accomplished then it really doesn’t mean much.
So I’ll leave you with this bit of word play….

The gentlemen is not an endangered species. He is not mirage. He is very real. He is not a dying breed, but rare among the beasts in this jungle of life and the battle of love. We move quiet, we don’t start riots, but we know how to finish them. We move decisive and we know what we want and even more so who exactly we are. Among the shadows we emerge above the bullshit and show real women that chivalry isn’t dead, but alive and well. We are the lovers who know how to make love, your mother’s favorite, the one your dad trusts with his daughter, the one your child likes, possibly man you want to father your child and your future.

We are gentlemen and we are the real thing, the question is…..Ladies are you ready for us? We are here to finish first!

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)

P.S I’ll dedicate a blog to my real women the next rip!

This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Expressed Writings Inc. 2009

Saturday, May 16, 2009

We Need to Get Past Ourselves.....

Spare me!!! Spare me the bullshit please!! I scream it to the rooftops! Spare me the lying, the cheating, the lack or morals, the bullshit I or anybody reading this has encountered!!!
We live in a society today that has a severe problem when it comes to staying together. Just this week alone two of my closest friends are going through break-ups. One is ending a two-year relationship and one is getting divorced. My friend that is getting divorced told me straight up…..”JON, DON’T GET MARRIED!!” I was like damn, for real! I couldn’t believe it. I know at least two women that by the end of the year that will be divorced or legally separated. In 2006 I was hanging out with a lot of couples real heavy due to the fact that I was in a relationship myself. Two of those couples are still together and their married, but those of us that were in relationships aren’t anymore and you can add a divorce to those statistics as well along with my own relationship in that group of people.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US!!! Oh my God I wish I knew the be all, end all answer to maintaining a relationship, but I don’t. In no way am I the expert. I’m simply learning my way as you are, but I choose to write about these trials and tribulations instead of holding them in.

I don’t have the answers, but I have questions and I have my view of how things could be handled, but that’s it. So what exactly do I think, well…..

We as men and women towards men and women need to learn to get past ourselves in order for our relationships and marriages to work. We have become an independent, but selfish generation. Everything is all about us! Everybody is doing them! Oh, I get so sick of that saying, Do you! When your single is when you do you, but the fucking problem is people need to understand when your involved with another person that do you shit ends!! I just lost a reader just that quick. If I did your probably selfish and self-centered!

Real talk everybody, we need to learn to work together as a unit when we are in committed, serious relationships. We need to hold ourselves accountable for shit and stop always pointing the finger and check ourselves! If she did this, if he did this, if she would change this, if he would change that!! SHUT UP!!! You know exactly who he or she was before you got with them, said you loved them, or married them. Nobody changes anything about themselves unless they want to, not because we love them so much, at least most of the time.

I’ll be the first to say that I love strong independent women, hell I was raised by one, but when I man looks for a woman were trying to see where we can fit in, can we afford you, and most importantly does she really want a relationship if that’s what that man is looking for, at least I do.

We have to know where we fit in and just so you ladies don’t get it twisted, we have to fit in on a level that is more than physical. Period!!

When I’m writing I’m hard on guys! Oh, I tear us apart because there are so many bad seeds that fuck it up for the good guys (like myself). From these so called men that aren’t taking care of their kids , to men who are just on the hunt and conquest, to men that are just out to hurt other peoples relationships.

As men we need to step our game up. We need to take these good woman seriously and stop playing games. A good woman may be hard to find just as a good man is hard to find for women, but with all the bad out in the world a good man or woman shouldn’t be that hard to spot, though sometime it is due to all the bullshit we encounter everyday.

I bet there’s not a man or woman reading this that wish we had our histories, and or credit reports stamped on are backs. LOL! The crazy thing is that wouldn’t make things any easier. Relationships are always hard, but the benefits are wonderful.

We have to learn to communicate, understand, listen, and most importantly push aside our pride in order for any relationship to work. There nothing cool about fronting on man or woman we say that we love. Please, lets me honest with each other, support each other and even though it’s hard, try to understand where the other person is coming from. The most important thing is we have to try! People don’t try anymore! We think they try, but they haven’t. We think if we move on to other people that things will be easier, but that concept is wrong. We think that if we leave that were saving ourselves. Don’t get me wrong because if you’re in a bad situation then that’s true, but if you’re not, then it’s simply a cop out. We need to try to harder!!

We will never understand each other or learn to be a unbreakable, strong, and happy bond until we learn to get past ourselves. That doesn’t mean lose yourself, but get past yourself. Use what you have to bring to the table to make the bond stronger, period! That’s my take, what’s yours?

God Bless,
“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Expressed Writings Inc. 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Definition of "13 Ways" (The Movement)

March 21, 2007. That is the day I joined MySpace. Nothing about that is life changing at all. After all a social networking website isn’t all that important when you measure the things that matter the most in life. It was what happened a month later that changed things and brought things out in me that were always there, but were buried inside of me.....
One of the most common questions I get is “What does “13 Ways” (The Movement) mean. Well it my screen name is more than a screen name because to me it’s a way of life. My first blog gave everyone a brief description of what “13 Ways” is. That blog was almost two years ago and about 500 friends ago as well. I know a lot of people thought I was on some sexual stuff, but that’s not the case at all. My first blog went something like this.....

1. I'm Living for God.
2. I'm Living to respect people.
3. I'm Living to love.
4. I'm Living to have fun!
5. I'm Living to be prosperous.
6. I'm Living by my word.
7. I'm Living by my actions.
8. I'm Living in the moment.
9. I'm Living for success.
10. I'm Living for change.
11. I'm Living for knowledge.
12. I'm Living for those who doubt me or doubted me.
13. I'm living to show people a man can do and be all things positive in a world that can build us up and tear us down. I'm willing to do what others won't do and despite the color of my skin or were I'm from I will achieve my goals.

Those meanings are the same, but now they mean so much more. Even though I love to write and it is truly my passion my writing and the lessons and experiences I have encountered in the past two years were full of sorrow. That sorrow brought out deep emotions inside of me and thus altered the way I thought and did things from those days forward.

Dealing with death is one thing; dealing with losing the woman that raised you is another. Being in love is one thing, not being loved in return the way you deserve is another. Through those two events happening to me ultimately changed me forever. When I say changed I don’t mean it has made me bitter because that’s not the case, but what it did do is give me a new outlook on life and it informed me of my worth as a man.

Sorrow, anger, and disappointment are all a part of life. I had to endure all three at once and then some. Instead of me closing myself off to the world, I opened the door and decided to give you a look into my world. Instead of drinking those lonely nights away wondering how I was going to make it, I prayed that God would keep me so I could make it. Instead of wasting my time with negative people, I surrounded myself with positive ones.

I decided that I wasn’t going to put hope into people anymore. When you hope that somebody will do this or hope that somebody will do that it’s like you’re asking that person to do something that they aren’t willing to do. It’s not because they aren’t capable they, but they just are not willing to do it. Like I hope this person will love me or I hope such and such calls or I hope stupid ass gets his shit together. As a result I don’t put hope in people because I have been disappointed too much. Instead I trust in God even more.

Hope to me is an attitude. Hope is the reason people still believe in marriage even though the divorce rate is over 50 percent. Hope is going to school in hope that your degree will pay off and you will earn a high paying job. Hope is the reason some attend church sometime because they hope God will show his mercy upon you in whatever situation you’re going through. Hope is the positive attitude of not giving up on what you want, but most importantly….what you deserve. I put hope in situations not in people. I know that may sound cynical, but that’s how I feel. ....
People also ask me, “What does The Movement represent?” Well The Movement represents effort. When I first began to blog I wrote blogs as a diary. After my mother passed I began to write with purpose. Then after that my writings became something bigger than me, they became a movement.

The Movement is about wanting to do better and being better in life. It is about loving you enough to not sell yourself short, even though from time to time we all do it. It is about loving harder, trying harder, and understanding the things that are really important at the end of the day. Family, real friends, and if your involved with the right person, your marriage or relationship.

We can get so caught up in life’s chase that sometimes we forget what really matters. We are too busy to stop our chase of money, career, and status that we forget what really matters sometime. Some people still haven’t figured it out, but trust me, they will.

The Movement ultimately about knowing you deserve all that life has to offer and trying your very best not to sell yourself short. Push the envelope in a positive way!

So you probably ask, “Has the meaning of “13 Ways” (The Movement) changed? The answer is no! It has evolved! Some have said that I'm an inspiration but at the end of the day I'm just like everybody else searching for the keys to unlock the doors of life. I introduce you to “13 Ways” (The Movement) as you should know it. God Bless!

1. Live for God. We are not perfect, but if we know that God is the head of our life and he controls everything we can do awesome things. He is everything!

2. Live to respect people. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Love people the way you want to be loved and give of yourself the way you would want someone to do for you.

3. Live to Love. Love family, friends, and significant others as unconditionally as you possibly can. Love is this world strongest emotion. Don’t be afraid to love people, most importantly, love yourself!

4. Live to have fun. Life isn’t a party, but isn’t a funeral either. Enjoy life and try to live everyday like it’s your last. Live freely and be fearless, but have restraint. Life is short, no matter how you cut it.

5. Live to be prosperous. Money is simply a wonderful tool. It has the ability to fix a lot of things. Be aware of the pros of it, the cons of it, and how to get it without hurting anyone.

6. Live by your word. All a person has at the end of the day is their word. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t just say things because they sound good. If you want to be taken seriously, keep your word!

7. Live by your actions. Talk is cheap! Be proactive. If you’re going to do something, do it (within reason). It’s about putting your words in effect and walking the walk!

8. Live in the moment. We can miss key moments in our lives that are important if we don’t pay attention. We don’t have a lot of time on this Earth, so learn to appreciate the moments that could become wonderful memories.

9. Live for success. Success is not always measured in dollars, but in how you have overcome, survived and how you have taken your experiences and learned from them. We all have the ability to make are mark in this world, it’s up to us to make a positive one.

10. Live for change. Change happens whether you want it to or not. Change signals evolution. Every year of your life you should evolve. Don’t be afraid to step out of the box sometime, but understand exactly how far to step out of it and when.

11. Live for knowledge. Knowledge goes beyond the classrooms of the world. They help, but life experiences+learned experiences=knowledge.

12. Live for those who doubted you. We all have been underestimated. Make it your duty to prove them wrong in what you do and how you handle yourself, not by what you say and most of all being humble about it.

13.Live for the world that can build us up and tear us down. Know what you can do and what you can do. Shoot for the stars and know that you deserve more. Know that you don’t owe the world anything and know that the only person you owe anything or have to prove yourself to is you and God. Even when life’s sorrows, troubles, and heartbreaks break you down, know that God will pick you up even quicker.

This definition is copyrighted under The Movement Expressed Writings Inc. 2008