No N-Bombs Please and Thank You-What needs to be said.

As I’ve gotten older and more informed I very seldom use the word “nigger” almost to the point I don’t use it at all. I’m only typing it now because it’s relevant to this blog. It’s a word that I used a lot growing up, but that was me being ignorant thanks to hearing it in music and even at times in my own home growing up. The more I learned and the more I matured I learned that using such a word to describe “my” people was unnecessary. In most black neighborhoods you can hear it. If you turn on Jay-Z, or any other rapper you will hear that word in maybe more than you care to. If you watch a comedian like Katt Williams or Chris Rock you can guarantee that you will hear that word multiple times during their routine. Oprah said we shouldn’t use it anymore, but I don’t use it anymore because of what she said, but because of a choice I made 7 or 8 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong people because I love Hip-Hop music and I love to hear a lot of black comedians but Lord knows I wish that the N-Bomb wasn’t used at all.. It’s not all their fault though because it all starts at home. For some people they grew up with that word as a term of endearment as I also did. It can describe someone that was close to you. It can describe someone that means the world to you. It can describe someone that was like a brother or a sister that isn’t your blood relative, but as far as you were concerned if you said, “That’s my nigga!” well people around you knew exactly what you meant by that even though there are so many other words that could be used in the English language to get that very same point across.
It’s gotten to the point where some African Americans use it so much that everyone else does too and that to me is unacceptable. I stopped saying it because of the how it was used against African Americans during slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. The word itself came from Spanish and Portuguese known as negro and it is also derived from the Latin adjective Niger both meaning the color black to describe African Americans because of our skin tone. The British once felt that the word was acceptable to describe black people, but they don’t anymore. It’s seen as a negative word in Dutch, French, Hungarian, Russian and Yiddish also.

It makes me wonder why some of us use the N-Word. Dr. Cornell West said ““There’s a certain rhythmic seduction to the word. If you speak in a sentence, and you have to say cat, companion, or friend, as opposed to nigger, then the rhythmic presentation is off. That rhythmic language is a form of historical memory for black people.” I was amazed to find out that after Richard Pryor visited Africa that he decided to stop using the word even though he would find himself allowing the word to slip in his routines sometime, but his visit to Africa changed his perception of the word. U.S. Magazines won’t print the word verbatim. They replace it censored or use the N-Word in the place of it. Social activist Dick Gregory felt that not using the word in print was intellectually dishonest, because using the euphemism “the N-word” instead of “nigger” robs younger generations of Americans of the full history of Black people in America.

I agree with Dr. West because I admit there is a certain rhythmic seduction to the word, but that doesn’t mean we should continue to use it. Also I agree that the word doesn’t have to be used in print either. I think with all the technology and resources we have today that anyone of us with a computer and purpose can research the full history of Black people in America if they care to find out.

I don’t think nothing positive came out of using the word. It has been used as a derogatory term more than a positive term. In today’s society a lot of people try to turn what is seen as a negative word into a positive word. For example most women didn’t like being called a “bitch”, but in today’s society some women have made it a point to empower that word, which is something I don’t agree with also because a lot of people have used that word for years as a negative way to describe women. Today thanks to popular culture the word “bitch” is heard more and more, but at the end of the day it’s still a negative word no matter how you dress it up and the same goes for the word “nigger.” I didn’t stop using the N- Word because I reached a certain point in my life financially or career wise or because I think I’m better than anyone, but I did stop using it because of how degrading it was to all African Americans no matter if it was before me or after me.

The English language is beautiful and eclectic at the same time which means there are so many other words that can be used to describe African Americans in an endearing fashion. It may not have the “rhythmic seduction” that dropping the N-Bomb does, but using words in place of that is something that I happily accept. It doesn’t matter if Jay-Z, Michael Richards from Seinfeld, or Mark Fuhrman from the O.J. trial uses it because it’s still a negative word. I’d rather be your brother, your homey, your boy, your man, your buddy, or how about just your friend. African Americans are beautiful people from all walks of life and I refuse to tarnish that beauty with such an ugly word anymore…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)




This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

A Brotha’s Testimony-What Needs to be Said

I was born an African American male or Afro American male or you can simply say I’m a black male for short. From the time my mother birthed me 32 years ago until this present day that’s what I’ll always be and I’m proud of that! I’ll be the first to say that whatever our race is shouldn’t define us, but our character, our interactions with people, and our actions should define us. I always felt that our nationality or a race shouldn’t be a factor, but even in today’s society that has grown to be more accepting of all people it still is.

Does anyone remember when you realized what your nationality was? Do you remember when you understood what race you were? To be honest I don’t really remember. I attended a predominantly black elementary school so there really weren’t many differences between the kids I went to school with and myself. I was friends with one of the white kids at my school. His name was Eric and he was my kindergarten teacher’s nephew which is why he ended up going to Maywood Elementary School in East Hammond in the first place. We were cool and the fact that we were different didn’t matter. As we are children I think we just all want to play and get along with each other. One thing about being a little kid is that no one really judged one another, we just had fun! There are times I wonder what happened to Eric, but most of all I wonder what happened to that naïve, but easy going attitude we all had when we were children when it came to people being different.

I don’t say that to say things in 2011 are bad or terrible because they aren’t. As I move about my fan page I have people that support me of all colors, races, and religions on it. The place where I work is probably the most diverse place I will ever work at, and I graduated from a high school that was very diverse, but all of those places are in some sort of way are what I wish things were like all over the country, but I also understand that in some cases they are the exception to what some of us may have grew up around.

Fall 1997, I was a freshman in college at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. I admit when I started college that I kind of expected more diversity, but as I went through my classes I found it wasn’t uncommon for me to be the only African American in my classes. Even if there was an African American female in there with me I was the only black male in most of my classes. I think that’s when I realized how small the African American population was. Statistics say that there are more black men in prison then in college. Given the fact that African Americans only represent 12 percent of the U.S population I find that startling.

Statistics say that 75 percent of African American children grow up without a father in the home, which means that’s a lot of black women that end up being strong not only because they probably are, but because they have to be due to their circumstances. These women end up playing mother and father. My mother did it and some of my friends mothers as well. I didn’t meet my father until I was 20 years old. I’m not informing you of this statistic to say put “us” down, but to say that Lord knows I wish that would change.

If someone was to ask me what it’s like to be an African American male in today’s society I would say it’s difficult, but I know a lot of good men before me had it worst than I ever will! If I was to single out the hardest thing I would say the stereotypes that are put not only on African American males, but African Americans period. “We” are all not the same. Let’s be clear because all races and cultures have stereotypes, but whatever they are aren’t always true. It’s safe to say that races and cultures do differ, but that’s not a bad thing, it’s what makes them interesting.

If I was to ask anything of anyone that has ever met me I would say judge me on me, not what race I am even though my brown skin is obvious. I’m proud of my culture and the history behind it! Lord knows what a lot of brave people did before us to get to this point. Now that we’re here let’s make the most it. Our journey is really just beginning not only as African Americans, but a country as a whole. We can’t leave our pride in the past because I feel nowadays that it’s lacking and to be quite honest with you we all need it more than ever. We are still in a state of progression because it certainly didn’t stop in the 60’s and 70’s! In 2011 there still growth to be made not only for African Americans, but everybody else too….

God Bless,
“13 Ways” (The Movement)




This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Black History is American History-What Needs to be Said

One of the first things people say when the subject of Black History Month comes is “Why did we get the shortest month of the year?” I always laugh when I hear someone say that because it essence it seems that way, but that’s not why Black History Month is in February at all. It is in February because of two men who greatly influenced African Americans have birthdays in February, that being Fredrick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.

Carter G. Woodson, an African American Historian actually started what we know as Black History Month as Negro History Week in 1926 during the second week in February because Douglass and Lincoln’s birthday’s coincide that week. Woodson felt that African Americans contributions were overlooked and ignored in history so he pushed for African Americans to have a week to reflect on our contributions to American History. Since 1976 Black History Month is celebrated the entire month of February in the United States and Canada while the United Kingdom celebrates it in October.
The question I pose to myself sometimes is “Have we come to the point where Black History should just be considered American History?” I pose this question as some other people do because Black History in essence is American History. A lot of African Americans had a strong hand in helping build this country. They came in the form of inventors, educators, members of the armed forces, and many other areas that all are a part of American History.

Even though we pay special attention to African Americans during the month of February I think that us studying that history shouldn’t just be celebrated for just one month, but the other 11 months as well just as the rest of American History is recognized in the classrooms and beyond. I think everyone knows about the Civil Rights Movement and what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. contributed, but it was so many more African Americans that contributed to this country after him and I say that with the upmost respect to Dr. King.

When I was in high school I didn’t hear about Mark Dean and Dennis Moeller who developed high performance software for IBM and compatible PC’s that allowed computer components to communicate with each other more efficiently. There system was patents were marketed in the IBM and PC/AT computers in 1984.
I didn’t hear about Lonnie Johnson who invented what we know as the “Super Soaker” in 1988. It was originally named the “Power Drencher” and was patented as the Super Soaker in 1991. If you think back how many of us actually had a “Super Soaker it makes you think a little!” I know I had a few.

Let me go deeper though. Dr. Patricia Bath invented the Cataract Laserphaco Probe which is the machine that removes cataracts by laser. She was able to restore people who had been legally blind for 30 years with eyesight. The machine was patented in 1988 and she also holds that same patent in Japan, Canada, and Europe.

I mentioned these 4 people because I feel like we all can relate to these inventions today and there are so many others before them that I don’t even have time to name! People may read this and say that I feel that Black History Month isn’t necessary, but that’s not what I mean at all. I just simply wish that the discoveries of African Americans are recognized just like everyone else’s in America!

People may not like this saying, but it essence it’s true. “We came so far, yet we have so far to go.” I’m proud of the accomplishments of African Americans big and small! The biggest by far is that we have an African American President in my opinion. I remember Tupac and a lyric in his song “Changes.” “And Although it seems heaven sent, we ain’t ready to see a black president.” Well once what people never thought may happen or wouldn’t happen this soon happened two years ago.

I wouldn’t say I have a dream, but I have a hope. I have a hope that one day it won’t matter what race made what contribution. Hopefully the only thing that will matter is the contribution itself because this eclectic place called the United States of America is made up of so many wonderful people and cultures. Everybody deserves some love and appreciation, but at the end of the day we all play for the same team……

God Bless,
“13 Ways” ( The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Diary of Friends

During my lifetime I’ve had a lot of people come in and out of my life. Whether it’s from my hometown, my workplace, or elsewhere I’ve realized I know a lot of people. Thanks to social networking I now know some people who I’ve never even met face to face apparently. It’s all good though because at some point in this small world we all will cross paths at some point.

I may have over 1200 friends on Facebook, but in real life my circle of friends is very small. I’m an only child, but I always had a lot of friends and as you get older that number becomes smaller and smaller. People go different directions in their lives and you have to choose which direction you want to go in and that direction may not be the same direction as someone close to you.

As an adult the one thing I’ve noticed is and what I’m thankful for all my real friends! A lot of guys that I grew up with are still some of my closest friends. My two closest friends don’t even live in Northwest Indiana anymore, but despite the distance we remain friends. We still trust one another and would be there if we needed one another. I’ve had my share of female friends too and when I mean friends I really mean friends! I’m thankful for every one of them. At times I’ve crossed that platonic line only to regret it later. I vowed I would never cross that line again and I haven’t since. Others have simply fell to the way side. Some women are just fickle, which could end up being messy, which could lead to drama, which could lead to things escalating and that’s not healthy.

As we move about through this crazy world we have to be careful who we allow into our world. Lord knows if I treated people the way they have treated me over the years I would be hated more than liked. I don’t say that to say I’m an angel, because I’m not! Personally when I do go off on someone it probably hurts more because I don’t do it very much, which probably means if I said something hurtful, then,…. well,…. chances are I meant what I said! Being a nice person doesn’t mean its open season to get rolled over on. It means you defending yourself like any other person would when it’s needed, even if it’s not as frequent as others.
As 2011 begins to settle in all of us are making changes and some people from last year or past years didn’t make it here with you. Some of those reasons were simply not in our control while other relationships, friendships, etc, have simply run their course. Like a team that got eliminated from the playoffs, well their season is over. Sometime people are just around for a season to help you grow a little more.

Coming in to 2011 I didn’t make a list of formal resolutions, but I’ve made some promises to myself that I have every intention on keeping them. I invite doubters to take a front row seat to watch things unfold.

As you live your lives people will always have an opinion of who they think you are. No matter what you do whether it’s positive or negative people will always have something to say about you. The sad part is how people talk about you when you’re trying to do something positive! That in itself amazes me! A friend of mine posted up a status the other day and it said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” I’d like to add to that by asking “Which one are you?” I’d rather discuss ideas and a few events along the way. I’ll save the small minded discussions for small minded people!

In my life I had extreme highs and extreme lows and some bulls**t in between and somehow I’m still here. That in itself is something to be grateful for. In this life know who your friends are. When people tell you exactly who they are, you should listen closely. Trust your instincts. Trust few and treat people like you would want to be treated. Don’t criticize people if you can’t deal with being criticized yourself. Learn to communicate to people and don’t expect anyone to assume anything. Last, but not least know that the high road is much smoother to take in life’s situations, but it’s harder to find sometimes. We all have our time to shine and when it’s your time to shine on the people that were negative towards you or tried to bring you down, blind those people with your light not to show off, but to say them in your own special way…..nice try and thanks…..

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)


Copyrighted under The Movement Media Inc. 2011

Love and it’s Complications in all Honesty…

As we embark on another year on God’s green Earth everyone is making their promises, their declarations, their resolutions, or whatever you want call the changes you plan on making in your life for 2011. I’m sure on someone’s list of changes that a relationship is somewhere on the list and if it’s not it’s on your mind because I feel at the end of the day that everybody wants somebody whether they want to admit it or not.

Relationships are always a hot topic. We could all talk about it for hours on end. I’m sure if we were to get a group of men and women together and put them in room to talk about relationships they could talk about the trials and tribulations they have experienced. It would be like a church for the broken hearted and everybody would have a testimony to give, but instead of catching the holy ghost people would reflect more on how those relationships hurt them instead of talking about what they have learned from them while men and women pointed the finger at each other saying that one sex doesn’t make sense compared to the other. I think to a degree that’s all something we all have done at one time or another. Some have done it enough to say without a stutter that they won’t ever find the right mate, when really they’re current relationship state is simply temporary. I guess the counter question people would ask would be “How long is temporary and when in the hell will temporary be over?” I guess it will be over when we have cleared enough space in hearts for the right person to come along.

It’s easy to carry over our bulls**t from another relationship or situation into another one because at some point we all get lonely, but sometimes being lonely is necessary. That doesn’t mean it’s supposed to be easy, but that time could be needed so we can press the preverbal reset buttons on our hearts. Moving forward too soon could be a terrible mistake. I’ve made that mistake once myself. I heard from someone from my past once that I should follow my own advice, since I considered myself a relationship blogger. I just kind of laughed to myself because first of all I’m not a relationship blogger, I’m simply a writer and second I do listen to my own advice otherwise I would have been a hell of a lot worst then I was in that situation. I’m sure she would agree that I wasn’t half as bad as the men that came before me.

I will say that “lonely” time is not to add s**t to what we want in a mate. I think every single person has some kind of requirement list and just because one situation doesn’t work out doesn’t mean it’s time to add to the list or take requirements out of it, but to carefully reevaluate it! I think sometime people add to these lists to make up for their own insecurities. All I can say to my fellow single people out there is don’t ask anything of anyone that you don’t have or do for yourself. In other words people….Don’t be a nickel looking for a dime! Some people are old rusted nickels looking for shiny new dimes. I’m just saying. Some people have requests so crazy that the only person that fits the bill is Jesus! LOL! In other words nobody is perfect and that includes you too! I don’t think perfection exists, but we should strive to be the best people we can be. That means you too!

I think everyone wants to be loved, but some us are afraid to love again. I’ve been in love before of course, but I’ll be honest with you when I say I don’t necessarily remember what it totally feels like anymore. I’ve always compared love to a drug. Once you have had it, you want it again and again, but I went to rehab I guess. Love is the strongest and the most sensitive emotion. I feel that love exists in our hearts right between what’s the best about us and where all our insecurities reside. It’s our most vulnerable emotion we have and when we feel that emotion at times we deny it, we hide it, and we shut it down because it can put us in such a vulnerable state. In essence it’s one of life’s emotions that we have very little control over, when it’s real. There’s a big difference between what you may do for a person or what you may due for the man or woman that you love. We have to remember that love is not something that is just given and that it’s a whole lot more than just another four letter word.

Just because some of us may want this emotion doesn’t mean we should just rush into things. I know there’s a place in everybody’s heart that wants to be loved, cared for, appreciated, and adored among other things, but some people won’t admit it, especially if they have really been hurt or was simply in a relationship they should have been involved in the first place. You could deal with a person for a long period of time and never have their heart because their pride simply won’t let them give it to anyone, or they honestly don’t have the courage to give their heart anymore because they may have gave it to the wrong person and when the right person comes along they punk out because of past experiences missing out on what Alicia Keys and Drake call……The “Un-thinkable.”

Then some of us are “funny acting” about relationships all together. Men and women can have power struggles in a relationship because no one trusts one another to be vulnerable with the issues that really matter in their lives, that’s even if they even consider themselves in a relationship to begin with. In my opinion I’ve always felt that women use the word “friend” to loosely, but that’s another blog and another time.

I think what a lot of single people look at are the benefits of being with someone and not the work that goes in with being with someone. I guess the thing that can make a relationship complicated is that all the work put in shouldn’t feel like work! When your heart is fully vested it doesn’t feel so much like work. When your heart isn’t fully vested even the basic things that it takes to maintain a relationship like daily communication becomes a chore.

The question and the fear by most people is fully investing themselves into a relationship in the first place because NO one wants to get hurt. I’ve always felt that it’s easy to allow a man or woman to touch and do with our bodies any kind of way intimately, but to touch a woman’s and even a man’s heart is much harder because our hearts can be so fragile when it comes to serious emotions. There’s no real way to protect ourselves from it, but to be careful and to try to know exactly who were dealing with and even then we can still get hurt. It’s a gamble either way.

At 32 years old I have no idea where my love life is going, so I just simply play it by ear. This may sound a bit cynical, but love isn’t at the top of my list. At the same time that doesn’t mean that I’m afraid of love. I just feel like when it’s the right woman and the right time I’ll know. Until then well….I guess I’ll just write about it from time to time along the way…..

God Bless,
“13 Ways” (The Movement)

This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2011

My view and maybe yours too.....

A friend of mine’s Facebook status once said “"If more males would stand up and be men, then more females would sit down and be ladies". (I’m just saying) “I’m glad I can finally sit down!!” I was especially proud of what she said because it makes good sense to me and I was even more proud of my friend who is engaged to her that has given her that sense of security.

In my opinion her statement speaks volumes because as the years have passed gender roles between men and women have changed not because some women asked those roles to change, but because they didn’t have a choice due to circumstance. If you listen around to conversations in this country you may hear that chivalry is dead and buried somewhere. That’s funny because I never knew chivalry had died. If that’s even remotely true then I’m sure that men killed it, but trust me when I tell you women handed us the knife. Unlike Orenthal James Simpson the gloves fit and we can’t acquit! Honestly, I don’t think chivalry is dead, just seldom used in today’s society.

So you may be saying while you’re reading this, “Jon, tell us something we don’t know.” Ok, fine I will. My theory is that the traditional fathers in America are becoming missing in action. I totally get and I applaud women for becoming independent over the years, but I think some men have looked at that as an excuse not to be responsible men and not to lead the household’s of America anymore, that is if there even in the damn household to begin with. I applaud the men out there that pay child support and break their necks to spend time with their children if there no longer with the mother of those children, but on the other hand I see boys that are not developing into men because they don’t have a man around to show them how exactly how to be a man in the first place. As a result we have a lot of “grown ass boys” walking around today. Some men would rather mooch off of a woman than go out and get his own stuff. There doing exactly what they did at their mother’s house except now their girlfriend is full-filling that motherly role. It’s not just the an independence issue, but it’s an issue with the way women are treated nowadays. As a result of fathers not being in the household we have these “grown ass boys” just approaching women any kind of way. They say anything that comes to mind or say something that they heard on TV or in music. The sad part is the women that are falling for these lame approaches which brings me to how the lack of having a father around is hurting women as well.

I truly believe that a man sets the bar for the kind of man his daughter will date. I can sit back and examine sometime and it’s kind of obvious nowadays. I can usually tell by talking to a woman for 5 minutes if they had a father in their lives. I can tell what kind of father they had and exactly how important he was in that woman’s life. I feel like a woman doesn’t know what a man really is truly supposed to be unless they grew up seeing one. It could be their father, a step-father grandfather or even an uncle, but some man needs to set the standard. The same applies to men and it’s terribly important for both sexes to see such an example.

From my experience the woman that seems to go for the worst guys are the ones that didn’t have a positive example of a man around. They tend to lean more towards the thugs or guys simply acting hard instead of the decent men. Not all, but some…..
I myself come from a single parent home and I’ll be the first to say that growing up without a father was not easy, but I had a very strong and grounded mother that made it look easy. I didn’t realize the impact her raising me really had on me until she passed almost 3 years ago. My mother was raised in a two parent home though which in turn gave me a lot of traditional values or old school values if you will. Also I was lucky enough to see what a true man was through family and men I may have looked up to as I was growing up. The trouble now is the children of today’s parents were raised by single parents themselves which means in some cases men and woman may not be equipped to give their child especially their sons, the upbringing they really need in order to understand what being a man is!

I think in some cases this situations like these has made some young men nowadays lazy! If you think about how many men you know that are out here having baby’s at random, not focused on trying to be a productive citizen, and have the audacity to call themselves grown despite these things, then we tend to understand the effects of what is now becoming a cycle. Then you have a lot of guys that want to blame them not trying to succeed on the whole “Ms. Independent” movement! These woman are out here getting their education, getting good jobs, making more money than men on more occasions now and they don’t have the financial need that women had from men say…..30 years ago. It’s not their fault! There are a lot of men strangely feeling unwanted because they don’t understand where they can fit into a woman’s life if she already has what she needs financially. Maybe these same guys need to understand where else they fit in that woman’s life. She will make room if she wants you there.

This in turn has caused a lot of women to support men just like their mother’s did with those men accept the woman taking care of you isn’t there mother this time is your girlfriend and they f**king them too! They living under that woman’s roof, driving that woman’s car, and eating that woman’s food and at the end of the day most of those woman are calling the shots because frankly the men they are with aren’t equipped to!

It’s a lot of angry grown men out in the world because they didn’t have their father in their lives and as a result a lot of men don’t understand what a man’s responsibilities are not only towards a woman, but in general just about being a man! When that father is absent or seldom there the examples of what we as men should be can be few and far in between. Times are different now. I grew up on the “Cosby Show” The Jefferson’s” and you can even count “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” All three of these shows showed married couples in good and bad situations! It made me say…..Wow! I can to be married and have kids too and even though what I’m seeing is a TV show, I felt it was possible and I still do while others may look at as a fairy tale.

If you turn on your television today, what do you see? Reality show this, reality show that, Flavor of Love this, For the Love of Ray J. that, the Bachelor this, and The Bachelorette that! TV nowadays make it appear as if being single, partying and drinking your life away is the s**t, while they make commitment, marriage and having children while being married appear like it’s a f***ing curse or some sort of impossibility.

As men and women we have more opportunities and resources to not only to be successful as people, but also to have successful relationships and marriages, but we don’t use them enough! Maybe we feel like we have acquired so much stuff or accomplished so many things that we can just get divorced any time we feel like it! We have women thinking because they were able to get their education, get a career, and acquire some things that they are more than capable to raise a child without a man! I’m not saying raising a child as a single parent is impossible because it’s been done, but if you ask a single parent how they raise that child or in some cases children they will tell you it sure the hell isn’t easy!! At the same time you find men walking away from marriage because maybe, just maybe they married that woman based on the wrong things or even worst they leave a good woman because they think they can do better.

I don’t think we as adults don’t realize how much of an effect our upbringing has on us right away. It’s a lot of strong and independent women in the world now because that’s the kind of woman they were raised by. In some cases this too has caused a shift and made it very difficult for women to listen to men. So with this happening a lot the good men in the world are constantly shaking their heads because their doing the right things, but these women are not only unwilling to listen and unresponsive, but also at times emotionally unavailable to certain situations because they didn’t have their fathers and have been taught to by their mothers how to get along just fine without a man.

All in all I this is just my view, but it may make sense to you. Over the years some us have lost those core values such as commitment, marriage, family, God or whatever else you could name. I pray for the day we get those values back, because we need them! We need it for the good of our future. I understand that there will be men and women that are homosexual, but in all fairness I hope it’s a choice they made based on their own personal happiness and preference and not because a man or woman treated them badly in a relationship or out of frustration from the opposite sex. Have you noticed how many women are bisexual for this very reason?
I understand that everyone that has had or will be having children in the future will be not be married, but it’s important that the strides are made to have both parents active in their child’s life for there well being and development in order to become productive adults.

I feel as men that we can do better, me included even though I’m not a father. We need to go out and get “ours” instead of taking advantage of what these women are accomplishing in some cases. We need to concentrate more on love and love making instead of kicking it and just f***ing! We need to focus on finding a wife and not gaining a “baby momma.” This means we have to become more responsible, have more restraint and protect ourselves not only for us, but for the women we lay with!
Maybe I’m preaching to the choir or maybe somewhere along the way someone reading this may say, “Damn, he has a point!” Regardless I feel like the reason it’s so hard to date, be in a relationship or to be married are for these very reasons I’ve mentioned. I say to myself “There’s got to be a better way!” Lord knows things can’t be solved over night, but I believe they can be solved.

I say and I hear people say how hard it is when it comes to love and relationships. Who do you trust? Who’s telling the truth? Is this person or that person really different from the other? Who knows! At this point it’s become somewhat of a gamble, but a gamble that most people still wager on because they feel a chance at love is worth it. Most would say “Good luck!” I would say “Lord lead us and help us all…..”

God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)


This blog is copywrited under The Movement Media Inc. 2010

Are you Ready for Love?

Are You Ready for Love?

Some of my readers may think of me as the resident relationship expert, but I’ll be the first to correct anyone who thinks that! I write about relationships sometimes, but I write about things I’ve observed and things I’ve experienced in my own relationships and most importantly what I’ve learned from them.

I was joking with someone close to me this morning at breakfast and said, “Damn, I’m tired of learning things the hard way! Her reply was, “Sometime that’s what it takes!” I just nodded my head and said “Yeah, sometimes…..” About a week ago I had to learn a lesson the hard way! I learned that I wasn’t ready for a relationship after 5 months of dating a good woman. I learned that my heart just wasn’t in the relationship! It was somewhere else. As the song by Atlantic Starr goes, “If your heart isn’t in it, why can’t you tell me so?” I was beginning to shut down and become lax in the relationship and the feeling wouldn’t pass, so I broke things off because I knew in my heart I was unable to give that person what they truly deserved. I would rather be alone than hurt someone that I know has a good heart! I would rather give her the chance of finding someone better suited for her, because I begin to discover that I wasn’t the one for her.

I’ve told myself that I just need some time to be alone, that I need to really think about what I need, what I’m able to give and most importantly, what I wanted. I’ll be the first to say that are past relationship experiences should be used as learning tools instead of a crutch or as an excuse to not try being in a relationship again. We should be better people after a relationship fails. It’s very surprising how much you learn about yourself being around another person for a good period of time!

In my short time on this Earth I’ve managed to have been in a relationship where I saw every single phase of a relationship and then some with the exception of not getting married and having children, even though at one point that was my intention. I’ve seen how relationships are built! I’ve seen how relationships grow! I’ve sacrificed and had someone sacrifice for me! I’ve argued about everything under the sun with a woman whether or not it was considered to be important or not! At 31 I know what love is and what it’s supposed to be, how it’s supposed to feel and the work that goes into it! I’ve seen how other people’s family becomes your family too and sharing holiday’s together and most of all I know what chemistry is!!! It goes beyond just having a few things in common! It goes so much deeper than that! It’s a combination of love, respect, mutual interest, and shared experience over a long period of time that evolves with time!

I know what love is and I know how it feels and I haven’t felt it in a while!! I thought that my heart forgot how to love. Part of my heart died when my mother died two years ago. I can’t regain a mother’s love, but I still remember what it was like to be in love with a woman that loves me and how the hell things are supposed to go!

I hear people talk about they want a relationship or how they deserve someone good or that they have so much love to give, but relationships take work!! It takes more than love to keep a relationship going! You have to come as close as you possibly can to loving someone unconditionally!!! Its one thing to love your child unconditionally, but to love your girl, or your man in that way takes work, not to mention a whole different level of trust!!

Believe it or not dating is easy!!! Being with someone for 6 months to a year is easy!!! I’ll tell you a secret! 6 months really isn’t any time!! Do you really honestly think you’re going to know someone after 6 months!! I know people that have been married for a number of years and they still are discovering new things about their spouse regardless if it’s good or bad!!

Were such a “Want when we want it” generation!! I can name at least 3 couples that got married, had kids and got divorced inside of 3 years!!! Everything and anything worth having takes time, effort and hard work and relationships aren’t any different!!

I see single people who see what other people go through in relationships and say “Damn, I’m glad I’m single!!” Relationships are not easy!! A lot of people are just afraid of the commitment, while others are just afraid of being vulnerable to another person or being held accountable to another person. We have to do things when were ready, especially when it comes to committing to someone!

I’ll be the first to say that a man or woman should never play with someone’s heart!! I know men and woman that have grown cold because someone they loved and thought loved them did them wrong! Everybody is not able to recover from heartbreak and a lot of times those people are never the same after that!

Good girl gone bad and that man that was a puppy becomes a full-fledged dog because their afraid of being vulnerable to anyone and most importantly they feel like they can’t trust anyone anymore! Or worst than that they become bitter! We have to take are time people! No matter if you’ve had your heart broken or never experienced heartbreak it’s important that we pace ourselves!

So some of you may say “Jon, what are you doing to move forward?” Well for me that journey started yesterday about an hour away from home. I’ve taken a small step back in order to make a big step forward!

Moral of the story today is not to be afraid of love, but prepare to love! And like I always say, “Love yourself, before you love someone else!!”


That’s all I got for you all today….


God Bless,

“13 Ways” (The Movement)


This blog is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2010